-How much is my bride price? Value my worth before any negotiations or transactions begin (I feel like a company trading on the New York Stock Exchange). Sadly, that’s what life has come to. Lobola in Southern Africa, Mahari in the east, and wine-carrying in the west — bride price is widely practicised– and sometimes to devastating effect.
High bride wealth is causing girls to elope or fall pregnant (coming through the shubak).Young men are delaying marriage, fearing the exorbitant bride price. Maybe there should be a price regulator…
I am a 20 something year old lady. I consider myself intelligent, educated to Masters Degree. I am 1.76 meters high, 65kg heavy, healthy with an athletic build, and attractive. I come from a well-respected family with a good reputation. I am well mannered, well spoken, use no profane language, and not quarrelsome. How much is my bride price? Value my worth before any negotiations or transactions begin (I feel like a company trading on the New York Stock Exchange). Sadly, that’s what life has come to. Lobola in Southern Africa, Mahari in the east, and wine-carrying in the west — bride price is widely practicised– and sometimes to devastating effect.
Two years ago in Jonglei, two girls were severely beaten because they chose grooms that their parents disapproved of. One of the girls died; the other survivor had serious injuries. The girl who died eloped with a man her parents felt wasn’t good enough for her because he had no cows and no biological parents.
Sadly the bride wealth system is based on the concept of girls as a family resource or wealth making.
The practice of ‘Bride wealth’ is governed by the customary law systems. Bride price legitimizes a marriage. A marriage will not be valid without it. Marriage is part of a larger effort to promote cohesion and harmony amongst families. The dowry is collected from family members not solely the man himself, this further reinforces the responsibilities of the couple to a wider community. It serves as compensation to the relatives of the bride for the expenses incurred in bringing her up and symbolizes her value.
Normally bride wealth is determined through beauty, education and the wealth of the family, or the status of the family. With no standard equation for determining bride wealth, asking price can range from 15 cows to 400 heads of cattle and differ from region to region.
For example in the Nuer and Dinka community the bride wealth is shared amongst the man’s family and plays a disincentive in divorce and adultery. Should the women want a divorce her family will be forced to return the bride wealth which by then would have been used for marriage negotiations for the male members of the family. The woman is placed at the mercy of her family who are reluctant to return the bride wealth; she has to seek their approval to divorce.
Some parents will marry their daughters to the highest bidder instead of the person of her choice. Wealth is more important than the health and wellbeing of our daughter.
Some parents solicit the groom for more gifts after the bride price negotiations are complete. They want cars, houses. This way bride Wealth becomes a burden to men and sometimes plays a role in domestic abuses in the marital homes.
Marriage between a man and a woman is supposed to last ‘till death do us part’. Therefore, who should choose the partner they marry? Should the selection of a partner be based on wealth or understanding, care, respect and loyalty? Who will be in the marriage? The parents or the married couple?
A tool of oppression
I understand that a man willing to get married has to demonstrate to a girl’s parents that he can take care of her and bride wealth is a clear indication of his capabilities. The practice of bride wealth is one of our traditions and cultures it creates a sense of accountability between the two families. It should be a reasonable amount so that both feel they own the process, not the groom’s family because they paid a high dowry.
Our traditions and culture should guide us – not be a tool of oppression. People should end the greed and think of the two that want to become one. Dowry should be kept as a simple union between two families and a gesture of sincerity and good faith not wealth making.
Get rich quick scheme
But some parents and relatives are using bride wealth as a get rich-quick-scheme. This makes it complicated for younger couples without a certain amount of wealth or cows to marry. The demand for high bride wealth is causing them to elope or fall pregnant (coming through the shubak). While some young men are delaying marriage for fear they might not be able to afford the exorbitant bride price.
Maybe there should be a price regulator or middle ground where traditions blend with current cultures or economic times.
How do you feel about bride wealth? Do you think they should put a regulation on how much bride wealth should be?
Jane Duma, 27: I don’t mind it. It is a sense of respect to the girl’s family and it indicates that I am worthy.It is part of our tradition and it gives the man a chance to show a girl’s parents that he is capable of taking care of her. I think there should be a regulator because some people demand too much money. Not everybody is rich.
David Kenyi, 32: I am against bride price. During my parents time it was a symbol of faith, but now it is a commodity, and selling of girls. There shouldn’t be a regulation but we should go back to our parents and ancestors time, people were paying something symbolic. In today’s world it has become a business.
Adong Tong 23: It is our tradition, and I don’t see anything wrong with it. He has to show to my family that he can take care of me no matter how much the price is.
I don’t think so, because if we put a regulation then some men will not pay the full price. It will make them lazy; they have to work to get a woman.
Emmanuel 43: It’s too expensive nowadays. People are coming from different tribes, they cannot be regulated together. If you put it too low then any man can get married.
